My Immortal
by FayesEmeraldEyes
Summary: A Song Fic written in Fayes POV. Fayes attends Spikes funeral and thinks back.


Well here it is. My most recent strory. You know... I keep reading all these fan fics about how Spike lived but not a single one about his death.. Let alone his funeral.  
  
Written in Fayes POV  
  
"My Immortal" Music by: Evanescence  
  
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Its a cold day out. Snow is on the ground and its almost as if I'm dreaming. They said that it doesn't snow here but today... it does. I think its because your not here. Your not standing beside me saying its okay for me to cry. Because right now thats all I really want to do but I can't bring myself down to do it.  
  
I'm so tired of being here Supressed by all of my childish fears And if you have to leave I wish that you would just leave Because your presence still lingers here And it won't leave me alone.  
  
I feel like a child. A child doesn't grasp to the concept of departure. A young child still thinks that after someone or something is gone it will eventually come back. Well thats not true and I know it but I'm still trying to convice myself that soon you'll walk back onto the ship as if you had been there all the long. A cold brezze pushes its way past my shoulder and I swear I can feel you. I can smell you. As if your right there. I want to reach out and grab you but I think I know that I can't. I don't know what I think anymore. Your suppose to be here to do that. Your suppose to be here to put the thoughts into my head.  
  
The wounds won't seem to heal This pain is just too real Theres just too much that time cannot erase.  
  
I'm trying to think back to happier times only to discover that I can't really find them. I think about the time you came to the catherdal and shot the man that held me in his hands. I can see you shooting and I can see him falling. I can remember feeling happy knowing that you had saved me. I could of been lying on that floor...dead. But I wasnt. That was a happy time and then I keep thinking about that day and the happiness falls away from me. You got hurt...really hurt. I know it wasn't my fault, you even said so yourself, but I still felt as if I had something to do with it. I'm trying to think harder. Still nothing.  
  
When you cried I'd wipe away your tears When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears And Ive held your hand through all these years But you still have all of me.  
  
Were all here. All of your friends. Were all watching as the reverend speaks. Hes saying all the good things about you Spike. I'm laughing inside thinking about all the things that time just wont let me forget... theres only few thoughts but there still there. It feels werid... your gone but yet I can still laugh. But only inside. It hurts to try and laugh out loud. Your not there to laugh with me. This whole things feels kind of sappy. I know you would have hated it. You never were one for funerals.  
  
You used to captivate me By your resonating light But now I'm blinded by the life you left behind Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me.  
  
These wounds wont seem to heal This pain is just too real Theres just too much that time cannot erase.  
  
If you had made it back alive I wonder what I would have said to you. At first I was thinking that I would probally yell at you and tell you what a stupid thing you did. But now I think I would have just ran to hold you. I would just hug and kiss your cheek and not say a word. You'd probally just try to push me off and walk away but I know that I wouldn't let you. I wouldnt let you move a muscle. Theres so many things that Ive always wanted to say to you and I still want to say them. I tried looking up as if you were looking down on me but I couldnt. Where did you go, I start to think? Is there really a place for us to go? And if so are you there? Is Julia there? Are you holding her right now? If there had been no Julia then would you be here with me? I like to think so but a part of me knows that things might not of worked out that way. Am I even the kind of person that someone could honestly love?  
  
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears When you scream id fight away all of your fears And Ive held your hand through all these years But you still have all of me.  
  
There you go... there putting you in that big hole now. I feel like all of me is being buried with it. I can't feel my finger tips. They've gone numb just like the rest of me. I looked over at Jet only to see that he's not holding it all in. He's broken down like he swore that he wouldnt, but I didn't belive him for a second. I remember when we found out the news. Jet and I had for the first time shared the bebop by ourselves. No Ed, no Ein, no you. We landed the ship and I knew it. You were gone and there was nothing that we could do. I ran untill I found you and when I did, I lost it. I remember falling to my knees and burying my face into my hands. Jet tried to pick me up but I wouldnt budge. He picked you up and I could feel all the life of me being taken away. Thats all I remember. And now I'm here. I'm handed a rose and as I walk closer I can feel it. Your all alone in that hell. Are you alone? Is Julia there with you... I hope your not alone. I don't want you to be scared. You'll be ok where your going. I know. I'm bending now spike. I lay the rose onto your new home. Think of me ok....  
  
Ive tried so hard to tell myself that your gone And though your still with me  
  
Ive been alone all along.  
  
I can feel them stinging my cheeks now. The tears of you. I love you Spike.  
  
....Goodbye.  
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A/N: Well now... that was sad. Hope you all liked it. 


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